It’s late in the hour, the kids are away at grandma’s and it’s time to get it on. You lay cuddled with your beau, looking and smelling good enough to devour. Your favorite scented candle illuminates the room while R. Kelly’s latest joint plays softly in the background. Obviously, you’re both in the mood for some feel-good-baby-making-kind-of-love. Then suddenly, his eager thumb scrolls over the remote control. Lights! Camera! Action! Before you can butter up your lips and engage in any seductive foreplay, the naked woman on the television screen snatches his attention. It only takes you a split second to realize that your eyes really aren’t deceiving you, and that you’re actually watching a sex-tape, with your man.
Ladies, what is a girl to do if she were to find herself in this predicament? Do you continue to watch and pretend you’re not uncomfortable? Do you jump up, go ballistic and start accusing him of cheating or having an affair? Or do you sit back, and pretend that you weren’t the one who ordered the DVD and had it mailed to the house, in his name. Sssshhhh, it’ll be our little secret.
Couples across America are dealing with this same issue and in the words of Salt-N-Pepa, let’s talk about sex baby! It’s not a man thing or a woman thing, it’s a SEX thing. I’ve found quite a divide when it comes to the acceptance of erotic content in the bedroom. The mere utter of the word makes some people cringe and upturn their nose while others grin from ear to ear, ready to divulge their porn star crushes and show off their latest collection. So ask yourself if you’re okay with watching sex-tapes with your man? Inquiring minds want to know exactly how many couples out there are engaging in this kinky behavior behind closed doors. And could it very well be the best kept secret to a long-lasting marriage, an incredible sex life, and a mind-blowing orgasm? Make that, oooorgasms!
With a booming billion dollar sex industry and the US being a leader of adult entertainment, we are inclined to believe that sex novelties will still be in demand for generations to come, no matter the economic climate. And according to statistics, there is a strong possibility that your mate will eventually wander to the other side, with or without your consent. I took my research even further and conducted an independent study in an effort to find out if mutual erotic video consumption can truly recharge a boring sex life, or if it is in fact a potential home-wrecker.
In America, a study showed that 30% of women admit to watching porn and 70% of men indulged in the activity. Dr. Corey Allan, a licensed marriage and family therapist shared his views on how pornography impacts a marriage and family life. “It’s important to note that some couples and even clinicians claim pornography consumed in a mutual, consensual, and open manner, can be an enriching aspect of marital intimacy. Although the material consumed is more likely to involve erotic content as opposed to hard-core pornography. Moreover, pornography consumed in a mutual way is inherently different than solitary pornography viewing because it is used as a bridge to become more closer and present with one’s partner, as opposed to a wall that cuts one’s partner off, draws sexual energy away from the marriage, and heightens distance between partners. As for morality being an issue, we are subjected to morality all the time. The laws and the customs of a society are based largely upon the morals of the people involved (regardless of whether you think they are right or wrong). Granted, what goes on in one’s bedroom is up to the people involved, but only up to certain standards and acts.”
As the old wise one always said, different strokes for different folks. Only you can determine if engaging in viewing sex videos is acceptable or not for your relationship. Communication is the key. Without it, you will find your romance plummeting headfirst. On the other hand, if your curiosity has gotten the best of you and you’ve had the desire to take your intimacy to another level long before now, here are a few tips on how to tell your partner that you’re ready to turn up the kink.
Mention this article and ask him/her how he/she feels about couples who indulge in erotic content together. This is your excuse to bring it up and get their honest feedback.
- Order a video in a different name. When it comes in the mail, open it in front of your partner. Gauge their reaction and play clueless the entire time. Then go for it and pop it in the DVD player. Unless of course their reaction suggests tossing it with yesterday’s leftovers.
- Take a trip to your local novelty store. As you’re holding hands, venture over to the vide section and dare your partner to find one that he/she thinks you will like. Do the same for them. If you’re feeling frisky and bold, check out one of the viewing rooms and sample it there.
- Last but not least, tell him/her you would like to explore new sexual positions. Each of you take a sheet of paper and write down as many ideas on how to do this. Watching videos is bound to make one of your list. You’ll have them right where you want them.
If you would like to weigh in on this topic or read the interviews from the couple study, please feel free to email me. Until next time, keep it enticingly twisted! □ Check out Part 2 here: http://www.kontrolmag.com/generation-sex-pt-2-twisted-topics/
N’TYSE (@ntyse) is the national bestselling erotic romance author of Twisted Seduction and Twisted Vows of Seduction (Strebor/Simon & Schuster) and executive producer of the documentary feature film Beneath My Skin. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org